Total Read Time: 6 Minutes
There is a sacred time of day when our family is present and uninterrupted: the dinner table.
To extend this precious time, we’ve incorporated conversation starter questions. This has added more depth and meaning, taking it a notch deeper than the typical “How was your day?”
In the beginning we used a card deck for prompting, but now that it’s engrained, the four of us can whip up a new question with eagerness.
One of us recently inquired, “How would you describe yourself to someone you’ve never met?”
We chewed and sat in silence, contemplating this tougher-than-normal question. What do you say when someone asks you, “Who are you? Tell me all about you.”
If you were to ask me, “Who are you, Kathy?” First, I would rattle off the surface-level stuff: a mother, wife, business leader, writer, reader, nature enthusiast. That’s not the answer you were looking for though, is it? These are just the roles I play.
When you sit down for a real conversation with me, you’ll quickly learn that I don’t do surface-level. Talk about sports, news or the weather and I retreat inside my head where it’s more fun. To me, life is a curious playground I get to explore. Who and what will come into my field today, and how will I respond? I play seek and find within this snarled web of reality to find deeper meaning. I soak in a wide array of cultural and religious traditions, then find the beauty amongst them all. I love learning what lights you up. I daydream, imagining a world where we are all following our hearts’ passions. Then, I take control and follow the path along my own lit-up yellow brick road, making each step a solid imprint since it’s the only road I’m on.
I bet you are also pondering how you would answer this question. “Who am I?” What is behind those titles, roles, hobbies and even stories we may have on repeat? Like me, do you sometimes cling onto a definition or version of you that doesn’t quite fit anymore?
There is an invitation today to loosen our grip on these old stories that don’t fit.
In the South American medicine traditions, shamans remind us that all flying birds have hollow bones. They have a saying, “Be the hollow bone.” In order to not get weighed down by the world, we need to be hollow inside. In other words, if we cling onto the past or keep telling old stories, we can’t fly. We can’t shift into new versions of ourselves.
When I remind myself to be the hollow bone, I ask myself where I may be gripping too hard. Am I getting too attached to a recent failure, or success? Am I repeating the story of regret in my head? Be careful of sticky residue like this – in other words, be careful of the things that can stick on the sides of our hollow bones, preventing us from flight.
So I ask, “Who are you?” I don’t care about your titles, roles or hobbies. I want to know about your way of being. How is it that you travel through life? What do you do when faced with adversity? How do you forgive, others and yourself? What do you do to stay light, and be the hollow bone?
Will you share with me and those you love what lights you up? Will you share the essence of who you are and this life’s legacy you are building?
I’d like to share with you The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, a poem which opened up new rivers in me when I first read it three decades ago.
Will you accept this invitation?
The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.
© Oriah Mountain Dreamer