I’ve been tending to orchids for about 20 years. A co-worker named Kelly taught me how to care for them so they easily rebloom. With an exotic, jungle-like look in the convenience of my living room, I feel a sense of mastery when getting the full rebloom. Another day, I promise I’ll teach you my Orchid Reblooming Seminar.

My Orchid in Opposites. © Kathy J. Sotak

I have five orchids, and this is one of two in bloom right now. When I first spotted the flowering stem growing, I was upset that it was pointed straight towards the ground. I thought, “What is wrong with it, it is going in the opposite direction!”

I tried grabbing the stem to train it upwards, like a normal orchid. It quickly told me, “Hands off, or I’ll break.” The orchid told me she is in control, with its energy pulling firmly in the opposite direction.

Opposites tug at me often. Conflicting thoughts often arise in my mind, such as:

  • I want to fit in vs. I want to stand out in the crowd
  • I want to live in a big house with security vs. I want to rent for flexibility
  • I want the predictability of my corporate job vs. I want to take risk of an entrepreneurial venture
  • I want the calmness of classical radio vs. I want the heart-pumping beat of dance music
  • I want to be invited to all the fun parties vs. I am comfortable staying home in my self-defined sanctuary

I sometimes ask myself, is it okay to want seemingly opposite things? Is it a lack of confidence in picking a path? Or, is it a gift of a wide range of expression?

“Opposites Attract,” the hit song by Paul Abdul, is in my head when I look at this orchid in bloom. As one of the first single cassette tapes I owned, it played on repeat in my prized pink cassette player. It was shaped like a mini boom box, with curved edges, and two-toned pink with glossy accents. I added my own accents of rainbow stickers and stars, of course. In my early teens, I carried it everywhere around the house and farm. I was energized by everything from Debbie Gibson to AC/DC, and from Madonna to Def Leppard. If you are around my same age, you know that making mix tapes was an artform, and every other 13-year-old knew it too. To hit pro status, you have to be skilled at hitting both “record” and “stop” without getting the interruption of the radio station DJ. While I was sometimes jealous of those who boasted the large SONY or AIWA boom boxes (with the detachable speakers and the extra sub-base), nobody else had a pink cassette player. I stood out of the crowd while yet desperately wanting to fit in.

I think I’ve accepted there are different versions of me, and all of them are meant to be. It’s all okay. I’m exercising a wider range of expression, and greater understanding of others who may lean towards a different side of my equation.

This week, I’m going to observe the opposites I see, then notice, is it triggering a response? I’m going to then apply the “RAIN” technique, recently taught to me by my friend Jenn (credit Tara Brach):

Recognize what I’m feeling (roots of understanding)
Allow life to be just as it is (grounds of love)
Investigate with gentle attention (deepens understanding)
Nurture (awakens love)

Brach teaches the important step of “After the RAIN,” which is when we realize freedom from the prior narrow understanding or perspective. I’m excited to discover what other areas of opposites that RAIN can help me expand in my life.

In the meantime, what were some of your hit songs on repeat when you were a teenager? I bet you’ve got some opposites in there too, stretching your range of expression.