My son, emulating one of his heroes. Who is yours? © Kathy J. Sotak

Have you ever met one of your real-life heroes?

If you have, I bet you remember it – just like me. In my early twenties and free as a bird, I moved from the Midwest to Sedona, Arizona. If you aren’t familiar with Sedona’s beauty; is a remarkable hidden gem. It’s part of “Red Rock Country,” rugged and distinct in its beauty.

As one of the tourist and metaphysical capitals of the country, we saw a lot of movie stars, celebrities and best-selling authors in town – from Deepak Chopra to Ted Danson. Out of all of the notable names, there was only ONE individual who I had to see when she came to town: Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.

Do you know her? Dr. Kübler-Ross had pioneered work in the 1950s and 60s on death and dying, back when doctors kept patients’ prognosis from them (her most notable book was titled, On Death and Dying). She sat with dying patients, talking about the transparent truth when other doctors wouldn’t. She helped her patients move through the grieving process, to heal and cross over with greater peace. She witnessed intense spiritual experiences by the “thinning of the veil” between two worlds in the days and hours before death. Her decades of deathbed work pioneered the invaluable hospice practice that exists today.

The Five Stages of Grief® is also Dr. Kübler-Ross’s work. The stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally, Acceptance. These stages were developed by observing the emotional stages during the dying process, but was quickly recognized as being effective for other circumstances where humans needed emotional healing and processing.

On her rare public seminar in Sedona, I sat in a hotel ballroom with just 100 others. Dr. Kübler-Ross was presenting with David Kessler, a co-author in the later-phase of life. I wasn’t sure what to expect. As I sat there waiting with an audience mostly 40 years older than I, I started to question why I was there instead of a sunny afternoon hike.

In rolled Dr. Kübler-Ross, yes, rolled by an aide to the stage in her wheelchair. It wasn’t so much the wheelchair in itself that sticks in my mind, but the juxtaposition of her radiant smile with the confines of her wheeled legs. Why is she so happy?

I don’t remember much from Dr. Kübler-Ross’s speech, as her smile, laughter and joy stole the show. Early on in her talk, she pointed out how funny God is. In her laughter, she explains, “I’m an extremely independent and stubborn woman. I HATE asking for help. So, God thought, ‘Hey, I’m going to teach her how to accept help!’ So, I had a stroke, and am now 100% dependent on others for my life.” Then she does her best to make an angry face at God in the ballroom sky, then laughs again.

On break, I went to the restroom, as did most others. We were all waiting in the long line respectfully, when two women burst the door open, giggling and hooting. All necks turned. Who was it? Dr. Kübler-Ross and her trusted caregiver, wheeling in to go pee. Into the handicap stall both of them went, chatting it up the entire time. You see, she was fully dependent on accepting help even with her most basic bodily functions. Again, why is she so happy?

I guess she had to move through her own five stages of grief. She had reached acceptance. And through acceptance, she found peace. Then love. Then joy.

Every day, we roll through life in our own symbolic wheelchairs. There is something tangible we all see or feel that reminds us of our constraints – physical, emotional or intellectual. It could be illness, our environment or wishes of a different life. It could be something completely different. Does something come to mind for you? It does for me.

With that in our minds’ eye, what if we apply the five stages? Let’s see if we can move through it:

  • Denial: I can’t look at it.
  • Anger: I am so angry it exists!
  • Bargaining: Maybe if I do This, then That won’t happen to me.
  • Depression: Others have it so much better than I. This completely sucks.

When we are ready, we reach the fifth stage, Acceptance: I cannot change this circumstance, so I accept it for what is. Now, how am I going to choose to walk through this one and only Today? I cannot change the circumstance in this moment. Therefore, am I going to be stuck in fear, anger, scarcity, hate, anxiety, or shame; or, can I wheel through my day holding compassion in my heart – compassion for both me and others? Can I accept what is, and find the beauty in at least a part of this?

Perhaps, my hero Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross had reached enlightenment while on this earth. Being on this path myself, I believe enlightenment is simply a choice. Every moment of every day, we are given a choice for our state of being. It does not matter what our surroundings show us. It is how we choose to “show up” within it all. My greatest wish is may we all roll through our own stages with ease and grace, and arrive at acceptance: the doorway to peace, love and joy.

Holiday gratitude give-away: I am grateful for so many of my friends and community who are loyal readers of 2-Minute Lifts like this one. My favorite book of my hero is The Wheel of Life, her jaw-dropping auto-biography. I’d like to send one of my readers this favorite book. To enter this gift drawing, all you need to do is be part of my email list. Subscribe at the bottom of the page (if you are already subscribed you will be automatically entered). A winner will be selected on December 25th, 2021, and notified via email.