Why are we so disconnected in this connected world?
TOTAL READ TIME: 4.5 Minutes
This week my friend Becky and I met up at a local park for a walk and talk. Not a fast-paced, exercise walk, but a slow stroll that matches the pace of our conversation. The park we love to meet up at is halfway between our houses. It is dotted with old stone building ruins – a side of a wall here, an old stone house frame there, and in-between is a zig-zag, up and down meander to the river and back. The river offers many inlets to take shoes off and let the water carry away both our worries and our wishes.
When was the last time you connected, really connected, with a friend? If it was recent, count ourselves lucky. We are suffering a communication crisis. Although connection is at our fingertips, we starve for depth and richness. We crave to be heard, seen and understood.
I learned the art of connection from my mother. She had several pen pals – friends from many places that would take turns sending beautiful cursive, single space letters on their best stationary. Writing letters to far-away friends was a weekly activity. When I would glimpse at her during writing time, I could tell she was put in a meditative state as she selected pieces of her heart to place on the page.
My mother even had “round robin” pen pals; a group of former girlfriends who kept in touch over the years through their set of four letters in an envelope. Before they sent the envelope to the next friend, they would read the three letters from their friends, then replacing their own last letter with a new one. It was a sweet, slow drip of a meaningful exchange that kept their bond strong across decades.
Naturally then, I had pen pals too. Then when free long-distance became a thing, my evenings were spent on the phone in one to two-hour phone conversations. The only purpose of those calls was to chat. It wasn’t to plan an outing, to ask a pointed question – it was just one soul talking to another soul.
Today, long and juicy phone calls are a rare occurrence. Letter writing is a lost art. Long, meandering strolls are something meant for vacation. For many of us, the only uninterrupted time we set aside for connection may be with a therapist.
How did this slow erosion happen?
- When we stopped writing cursive and started to print.
- When we stopped mailing hand-written letters and switched to email.
- When life became too busy for a phone call so we switched to text.
- When texting became cumbersome for our fingers, we traded it to click a “thumbs up” when scrolling.
Out of this entire dilution, I think it was texting that ruined it all. Texting created choppiness when thoughts are meant to flow. A spurting of words is no replacement for the continuous pour of heart and mind.
How has communication changed over time in your life? Is it different than five, ten even twenty years ago?
It’s time to reclaim back our connection. It’s a choppy world out there. Let’s re-stitch our connection with others. Let’s quit with the too busy-ness and build back slow conversations.
We are going full circle, friends. Have fun with it. Instead of texting a friend, try calling and see what happens. Surprise them when you say, “I just called because I was thinking of you.”
Instead of planning an outing with a friend, have them drop by to simply sit at the dining room table. Watch and feel what happens to your heart as you play with these ancient communication modes. Dust off that old stationary set and dig out a stamp. You’ll likely make someone’s day.