How Do You Pick Your Seashells?

Our family spent time at the beach last week. I’m grateful for this experience, where the clock is defined by the sun and each day brings a slower pace. It’s all a perfect thing.

Naturally, we came home with a few hand-selected seashells. My husband and I have very different criteria for shell selection. He chooses the shells with picture-perfect edges – the kind you’d find in a gift shop or professional photo. I pick ones with a bit of rough character – the kind with an edgy chip or a showy array of colors and patterns.

And, both picks are perfect.

I would have thought I’d be drawn to the professional-looking shells too. But my definition of perfect has nothing to do with an advertisement-styled living room, matching dinnerware nor manicured lawn. 

My definition of life’s “perfection” came to shore 18 years ago, after my mother passed away. She had several months of reflection on her “deathbed,” which was literally a hospital bed brought into her living room. Naturally, reflections occurred, looking over her water’s horizon of life – both the beauty, and the quieter regrets and unfulfilled wishes. After she passed, I developed a new life motto: Live every day to its fullest potential. I don’t want any regrets when I look back over my water’s reflection.

What was the result of my defined perfection? Did this lead to my holy grail of happiness, joy and peace at the end of each day?

Simply, No.

My self-invented mental scoring mechanism kept my engine stuck on the level of STRESS. Imagine the daily pressure I experienced after I told myself I must live today to its fullest potential. “Did I connect with family and friends today? Am I fulfilling God’s purpose for my life? Did I eat my best? I should have sent that birthday card to my Aunt. Am I giving back to my community? Am I in the right career? Am I fully using and sharing the gifts that God gave me? I forgot to contribute to that group gift. Am I raising my kids with highest integrity? Am I teaching them as much as I can to be really good humans? Did I schedule enough self-care time for me? I haven’t exercised in a week.”

The list goes on.

I’ve had to slowly unwind this perfect stress ball. All I can do is walk each step of my path with full awareness and intention. All I can do is pick up the shells that are on my path, right in front of me. All I can do is observe which shells spark a light in me – then go with all my heart. I can’t worry about what someone else selects, or making sure it is the BEST shell. I can’t comb the entire seabed to make sure I get the perfect option.

With each step along my own perfect path, I smell the air, feel the sunshine, and make connection with those intersecting my journey. Along the way, I choose to pick up a few unique shells that light me up.

Now that’s what I call perfect.